Friday, December 30, 2005

!@#$

%!@#, my mom found out that I'm a sith. She threatened to stop making those sugar cookies I'm so obsessed with If I don't join the light. Pah! I just bought an assassin droid that can kill 50 people in one minute AND make sugar cookies at the same time! When I woke up this morning, my room was filled with light side crap... Lightsabers with green and blue blades everywhere, join the light side pamphlets, and dozens of Jedi holocrons to convince me to join the light! I got so fed up, I decided to move out of my mom's basement( I'm ONLY 22). I also found a new apprentice, I decided my new rubber duck was the best sith available, say hello to Darth Xios...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Secrets That Must Never Be Told ( to my mom)

From recent comments: Jedi Katt asked what my mom thought about my career. She doesn't know and doesn't need to. I hate to say it, but she is 100% light side material... And from
lt. cmdr oneida: no, I don't think you kill the queen or mabye i haven't gotton that far... I have also gotton rid of my addiction to the word "meh." I killed all my therapists and told my mom that I passed therapy. But then, she heard me saying it in my sleep. She injected some brainwashing serum into my spleen and I was cured! woozah!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Meh!

Oh no! I have to go to therapy! Meh! My obsession with the word "Meh!" has gone too far!!! Meh! Oh no!!! Meh! In other news, I got a very good haul at Christmas! SW Battle Front 2, and a LOT of giftcards! My mom who I love very much, IT'S OKAY FOR SITH TO LOVE THERE MOMMIES SO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!! Gave me a new rubber duckey!!! One who isn't posesed and doesn't want to kill me!!! I named it Xios...

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Need New Apprentice!!!

Obi-wan recently left a comment about wanting to join me, but I guess he was joking... Anyways, I would not have taken him in the first place. Many people and Jedi started to warn me about this "beer and cheetos" diet he seems to be obsesed with. Meh, I'm now setting my sights on other jedi like siri and yoda. And to answer Jedi Katt's questio, apparently my apprentice bought it on ebay :) You can have it if you sign a contract that says that you have to be my apprentice for at least one year...

Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas Gifts

Yessss! For Christmas, my apprentice, Timmy gave me what I have always wanted! An assasin droid that can fart acid! He also gave me an Ipod Nano that was built into a lightsaber! He said I could only choose one and the other one would go to him. I got so frustrated, I force wedgied him to death! I regret it now, no good sith these days... If you would like to become a sith, just tell me. I might recruit you. I'm desperate :(

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Cereal Means Trouble

I was eating my Coca Puffs when the spirit of my Mother in Law came and started Force Chocking me! Than my brother in law's spirit came and gave me an atomic force wedgie. I almost died. I ran away screaming and later found out that the cereal I had been eating had contained oreo weed! The oreo weed had been making me see things, and the force wedgie and force choke had been my possesed rubber duckey trying to kill me!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Stupid Apprentices...

Finally, my apprentice, Darth Malak is dead. He has been "secretly" trying to overthrow me. But he was too stupid to carry out his plan... I had known of this plot for about 1/2 a year. I didn't kill him because he could still be very helpful to my new plan to overthrow the Republic. He was going to turn on my ship while we were attacking the Core Worlds. But a couple of days before he could pull of this scheme. My new apprentice, Darth Timmy ( Little Timmy) informed me that Malak had entered false cordinates into his ship and had flown into a flying cow orbitting the moons of yavin 4.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

When I Last Saw Yoda

Maybe it was his evil twin...

My Pledge to The Force

There is no fear, there is power. There is no death, there is immortality. There is no weakness, there is the Dark Side. I am the Heart of Darkness. I know no fear, But rather I instill it in my enemies. I am the destroyer of worlds. I know the power of the Dark Side. I am the fire of hate. All the Universe bows before me. I pledge myself to the Darkness.